I had good intentions of posting all about an art project I am working on with my girls to create original canvas art that represents their unique personalities. But…that post will have to wait for another day.
Last Wednesday night at church we talked about the different names of God. During one of our breakout sessions we looked in books to discover what each of our children’s names meant. I had done this in the past for my older two girls.
Taylor my oldest represents a “tailor”. She doesn’t like this at all. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it really suits her. She is a girl that is truly gifted at creating beautiful things. It doesn’t matter if it is words on paper, drawing, crafting or making music. I think her name represents her very well.
My middle daughter is Madelyn. Her name represents the Woman of Magdala, otherwise known as Mary Magdalene. My Madelyn is my little prayer warrior that has a stronger relationship with the Lord at 9 than I did at 29.
So then we came to our little one, Nadia. Her name means Hope. Her middle name is Grace. When I read this in the book, I almost laughed. I think I need to give you a little background on this little one.
She could be the strong-willed child that Dr. Dobson wrote the book about. She has a huge heart and is always making us cards and love notes. She is one of those kids that is always telling us she loves us and giving us hugs and kisses. She is super shy at school and as smart as a whip. But she is very, very stubborn. She likes to be the ruler of the house and we can have a world war any second around here.
To be honest, as a mother, lately I have been at my wits end. In fact, my husband and I have been taking turns getting her ready for school most days because it can be such a battle.
So to read that her name meant hope, well, it gave me some as her mother. And to think that her middle name is Grace. Made me think a lot about how I need to give her a little when she is driving me crazy. (I do have to remind myself often that she is 6). At night my Madelyn has been praying for her to find peace.
I don’t have a lot of wisdom to share when it comes to a strong willed child. Honestly we are just trying to get through it and hope she grows out of this little phase, (and placing an online order for seamless socks with overnight shipping).
Are you a mom that is dealing with a strong willed child? How do you do it everyday?
17 Comments
I have 4 daughters who are all strong-willed to one degree or another. There are two main things I do to keep me going. My total tear away toddler who used to regularly unleash tantrums where ever we were is now 7. And she is wonderfully delightful. One thing happened and that is that she came to know Jesus. She is transformed. She is the most honest child and helpful and kind. There is still that feisty-ness but it is unlined with something else now. This gives me HUGE hope for her sisters! I am just waiting out the storm and praying! Which leads to the second thing. I prayed.. a lot! But I also would pray that what ever the negative thing was it would grow to be a positive. “Lord, thank you that ? is stubborn. May she be stubborn against sin, not against getting in her car seat!” That sort of thing. It helped change my view point and use it for good.
I try to remember that I can do my very best but it is God’s work. I am just joining in.
Thank you for sharing Amy. This gives me hope, too
And what a great reminder to me that it is God’s work, I am just here to guide and hopefully help lead her closer to Him.
Seamless socks! They solve a multitude od crazy!!!
I am not sure what took me so long to order them. The other night my husband said don’t they make seamless socks. Amazon to the rescue, they are on their way.
I love the whole idea of names leading our kids. I chose names specifically for my kids that would be prayers and declarations of good things over their lives. But I love the idea, too that they are reminders to ME on how to parent! Great post!
Thanks Amanda. I had not put a lot of thought into the meanings of their names when we chose them. All of their middle names were family names. I love that you chose their names so specifically for prayers and declarations. What a gift for them.
I have a strong willed little one too. Who has had me at my witts end more than once. She is not huge on tantrums but she crosses those arms as tight as she can and I get the silent stare down. I struggle with how to handle it because I did not know this “will” of hers as a child myself. I was pliant and easily did as I was told. But this did occur to me. I love her strong will! I don’t see her being easily led astray. I see her potential as a leader. I see her standing up for what she believes so much more than I did. So… I hold my temper when the urge to snap into action when this “will” rears its ugly head. I only punish if she is actually doing something wrong. I give her time (not to much) and tell her she has a minute to regain her composure and change her attitude into a obedient one. I tell her she has a choice to ruin both our mornings by having bad behavior and then a punishment or she can do as she is told and start the day with a great attitude. Believe it or not. She often chooses to change her attitude. I am learning as I go as well though. and of course I am in prayer constantly that God will give me direction to eliminate bad behavior but keep her strong will. Loved this post! Thank you for your honesty!
Praying that we both have daughters that grow in the Lord and can use this strong will to lead others to the cross. I need to remember more to stop myself and pray while I wait for her to calm herself and I think we both would be in a much better place to handle the situation.
Jen, you are absolutely right! Embrace that strong will for what it will mean later on down the road. My strong willed girls knew their minds, and it really helped them choose friends who would be good for them and to stand up for what was right. A strong will isn’t always a bad thing!
Yes, I have a strong willed daughter, too. Turns out she is just like me! And I am learning more and more each day that how I react is more a part of how I am made than how I was brought up, because my daughter’s life is totally different than mine. That’s humbling and redeeming, too!
What I’ve also learned is that while parenting a SWD is a challenge, it is her strength that I am certain will be used for God’s glory. The problem is when it is not yielded to the Lord (and to me as her mom). Then it becomes her greatest weakness, leaving a path of destruction every where. I talk with her about this often, to encourage her to submit joyfully and quietly, even when she doesn’t get what she wants.
God made her strong for a purpose. As her mom, I have the opportunity to help her discover that reality! One way I go about do that is using life coaching principles to give her ownership of decision making as much as possible. When she feel she has a say in the options and final decision, she quiets down in her spirit and even takes joy in the responsibilities before her. Since she is only 10, I frame for her the options: Would you like to finish your homework now and snuggle before bed, or the other way around, since you seem a little spent? Yes, you can have a sleepover on Friday, but this will be the last one until after break, or you can pass on this weekend and do one next week. When my SWD feels like she is in charge of the decisions, her leadership strengths are satisfied and her confrontation with me seems to quiet down a bit.
With each passing day, I’m learning however, that the biggest thing I can do for my SWD is pray — for her but also for me as her mom to have a heart of compassion toward her (because an SWD can be exhausting and emotionally draining). Daily, I seek the Lord to refuel my tank to love on her!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Love the name idea! My SWD’s name means a Father’s Joy. That, I am sure, she will be as she mightily serves Him in the toughest places imaginable.
Blessings,
Lisa
Lisa recently posted..Love is {nearly} in the air…
Thank you Lisa for the wonderful advice, and you are right, God made her strong for a purpose. I love that your daughter’s name means Father’s Joy. I am sure that as you lead her to find her purpose she will use her strong will for His glory.
Two of my three are very strong-willed, and my youngest is the strongest! I tore my hair out trying to figure her out, and I lost my voice screaming “Ju-li-a!!!!” over and over again when she was little. I spent countless hours on my knees over that child, and God must have honored that because next week she will turn 14, and I have to say she is an absolute delight. Somewhere around 3rd grade, a mom in our neighborhood took five girls from her class and had a Bible study with them once a week. I am eternally grateful to that friend, because that was the year that Julia’s attitude and behavior started turning around. She stayed in that Bible study through sixth grade (I took it over one year and had a blast with those girls), and it was so important for her growth. Next year she will be in high school, and I’m starting to see that very strong will starting to rear its ugly head again. I don’t know how this will go, but I trust that God has His hand on her and will use her gifts for His glory.
Shelly – what a beautiful example of how ESSENTIAL, living and active God’s Word is…and how adults committed to imparting the truth is so important in the lives of our children! It is only by the Spirit of God that our girls can change…to “let” the Holy Spirit move as our girls seek Him is a great testimony! Even when they fall into those old ways – the Spirit works in the heart of that girl even when we don’t see it. Trusting in God to do what He has promised is hard at times, isn’t it?! He keeps them, He shapes them, He draws them, He wills them to do and act according to His purpose. Wow! I rest on these daily when I don’t see fruit in my life or my girls lives and it leads me to my knees for sure.
I laughed about the seamless socks – and then thought “Oh my gosh…why have I not purchased those???” My almost 4 year old can not STAND for her socks to feel ‘weird’ – she says they have “moleys” – I have NO idea where that word came from, but it is her word for when her socks make any sort of bunch or crinkle inside of her shoe. I have 4 girls and 1 boy – and I definitely have a couple strong-willed children in the bunch. I loved reading the other comments to your post!
Umm, yes raising my hand!!! I have a strong willed girl – or at least I thought she was until I had her younger sister.
I think sometimes we are battling and I don’t even realize it. It is the dance we do she and I. I read a great book about how to “Stop Whining and Complaining” and it made me realize that I need to be able to see what is not working and try to come at it from a different angle. Sometimes it just takes my husband to point it out. Sometimes it is a light bulb moment thing.
I have to choose my battles with her too. Do I really care if her clothes don’t match? No. But I do care that she listen and do what I ask of her. So we battle, but less then we used to!
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Yes! I love telling the girls the stories of how GOD totally named them and what a testimony it is. I can relate to your struggle…I AM a strong willed child and I HAVE a strong willed child…Haha! but I noticed the more I really listen to her and give room to respond the less battles I have. It’s a daily thing with her and we are always trying to be as creative as possible when it comes to standing firm, following through, letting our yes be yes, choosing battles, etc.
I am really proud of how much she has grown through her mistakes and how much I’ve grown through my parenting mistakes….this becomes a talking point and it’s precious when we both try to understand each other. We both have strong willed-ness….but we are learning and growing!
P.S. My daughter is also named “Madelyn” and she is my strong willed girl. In Greek it means “tower of strength” and she has lived up to that name – but she reminds me DAILY that I need to run to MY STRONG TOWER for refuge and strength.
I completely agree with the value of a name. God’s word shows us that there is life and death in the tongue. While we would never think of calling our children names like stupid, or dumb, we wanted to ensure that we were speaking life over them every time we called their name. My oldest is Phoebe, which means helper, and now that she is old enough she desires to fulfill that calling on her life. My second daughter is Sophia, which means wisdom. Again we are teaching her to seek wisdom, not just knowledge, but wisdom from God and applying it to her life. Even at five she is showing us the application of wisdom in her life.
With 4 strong willed children, I keep asking if there is even such a thing as a compliant child
I have two girls, and they are the epitome of strong willed. After reading Dr. Dobson’s The Strong Willed Child, I’ve come to the realization that God created them this way. Who am I to tear apart what God has given them? Instead my role as mother is to train that will, direct that strength and determination towards God. With that fortitude what can tear them away from their Savior?? While it was incredibly difficult as toddlers and tantrums, my oldest, now 10, is beginning to bear the fruit of training and discipleship. She still fights at times, but it’s completely worth the hard work at home, when I see her refusing to be a part of sinful activities with her friends. She is showing great resolve against peer pressure. She not only avoided peer pressure, but even stood up against and spoken out against the group actions. I continue to pray that as she approaches teen years this will protect her heart from the lies that often come against girls regarding their appearances and peer groups and promiscuity, ect.