When I tucked her in tonight, she whispered, “Mommy, can I cook with you every night for a long, long time?” This child, whose language of love is quality time, went to bed all filled-up simply from rubbing elbows with me in my kitchen a few hours earlier. I slid my arm underneath her back and pressed my face against hers, every touch of skin feeling like it was winning back lost time, and prayed in my head the simple prayer that is becoming like a tether between us: Jesus, grow our bond. Grow our attachment to one another.
So much of my life with my children, before and even after they arrived, has been in the moments they actually haven’t witnessed. Intimate conversations, me and the Father, about her. And him. My bible had begun to fill with earmarks of all sorts. Post-it notes, paperclips, pencil-drawn stars, names beside a passage, anything I could grab in the midst of life to make note. This one’s for her.
Borrowed words from the Rock of Ages are the best prayers for our daughters.
So me and God, we talked a lot about them.
Then this summer, my life shifted. And a very peaceful existence of life with two came to an abrupt ending. Overnight I became a mom to four.
Our arms no longer can hold all of them at once … with ease, that is. Double the food, double the laundry, double the sets of nails to clip and teeth to brush. More importantly, double the number of hearts to tend. To mend.
And it’s been in dragging my tired feet up the stairs (where I’ve left the “Mommy!?”-s behind me) and I think back on when my days felt simple and I had time, that He has spoken to me about my former life and where I am now. His words assert confidence over my insecurity: fresh opportunity for communion.
As if to say, you and Me, kid; we’re not over. We’re different. We’re new.
The brief, one or two minute prayers that I once arrogantly dismissed as haphazard are now like sips of water for my weak motherhood. God is my now. My every-minute, now. And He stands waiting to communicate strength over my broken mommy-moments and infuse beauty into what the enemy wants to call mundane.
I have flashes when I think: When can I carve out long hour stretches to intercede for my girls? They desperately need His touch, and then — in exchanges like tonight — I am reminded that my Father, who created me to be mother, offers opportunity in my every step. Those less-than-one-minute prayers I pray for Lily a half-dozen times a day, when my arms wrap around her and her flesh brushes mine and my flesh rubs up against my Maker, are heard.
They have less to do with me and more to do with Him.
Isn’t that prayer? As He writes His Words over our lives, we pray His words back to Him, incrementally. Bit by bit.
Our weak moments get won over by His glory. The minute-by-minute wins grow into days being taken in, taken back for Him. And days become months of His Word over our lives. Until before we know it, we are being changed. From glory to glory. Folded into Him.
And it all starts with one weak minute.
Photos compliments of Mandie Joy Photography.
9 Comments
This post speaks volumes to me. You see God brought me to this same place three years ago. I was happily coasting along with my two girls. My very managable two girls. I could handle two….split my time evenly between two….give two what they needed. Then along comes number three. Very unexpectedly. This one overturns my apple cart. My every moment seemed to be devoted to her, and the guilt came pouring on. Life became so overwhelming that I felt like I couldn’t come up for air. But God was there…like He always is. And He spoke to me and let me know that He had this. As you said He let me know “you and Me, kid; we’re not over. We’re different. We’re new.” So thank you for this post. With each word I read my heart tightened and tears came…. although our details are a little different….the feelings are the same. God Bless you as you raise those precious little girls.
Thank you Tracey. You are so right: “God was there … like He always is.” There are overturned apple-carts strewn across my life. But He has been there …like He always is.
Sarahagerty recently posted..One Minute Prayers for Her
Love this!
Angie K. recently posted..Put That Baby in Time Out!
I hear you! I hear this. The first phrase my littles learned in English was, “Help me Jesus.” or simply (arms raised) “Jesus”. (We’d all sit on the floor together and just raised our arms together!) A prayer breathed in a single word gave voice to the ocean of communion within…I had a verse to cling to as well…”your sons will be taught of the Lord, and great will be your children’s peace”…we are picking fruit from this very promise today…and not just in my children’s lives but in mine as well…He’s only just begun His work, hasn’t He? I’m so thankful we will witness completion, that this IS the promise of the ONE who has begun this good work in us. You have sisters and fellow laborers/journeyers in this season. We are lifting you up when you made be so tired that words are hard to string together in intercession (this is so tough for a words expressed/intercession girl!!). And when you do not have time for long hours in the secret place, know God will bring them back~ So glad to hear and “see” He is already surprising you with PRECIOUS moments of time…even now… saved JUST for you ~ they will be SO rich they will mark these days for you. You will look back on them as altars of remembrance. YET, when you do not even have moments, know He EVER lives to intercede for YOU, for your family, for His own… and He is pressing you on our hearts as we pour out prayers at His feet in time spent just for you. Love you, Sara. Love, Gillian
Thank you Angie! And, Gillian, SO GLAD to have women like you who have gone before. I know you know this road well!
I certainly appreciate this post. I often worry whether my short prayers for my kids throughout the day are sufficient. I wish to be the mom that spends hours on her knees interceding for her children. Thank you for reminding me that my prayers reach God too.
Love this and love you Sara! So blessed that God destined us to cross paths in Uganda!
such a beautiful reminder and written to touch souls. thank you
Sara,
Thank you for this post…I’m so happy that I bumped into it! Though our situation is a bit different, I feel very much the same. Going from a mama of 2 girls ages 4 and 6 and then adding a little boy to our family who is now a VERY busy toddler…I feel there is so little time with the girls now as I try and keep the pace up with my little guy.
Your writing is beautiful
Thanks for this post.
sarah
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