Do you ever come to the end of your week and start looking back over the activities that consumed your days and realize, “I barely spent any individual time with my girls.”
I know that I have those moments. We get busy with chores and ball games and homework and getting everyone to bed on time and time just slips away. When I think about one of the most important lessons I have learned in trying to Parent with Priority, it brings us to the letter I, Individual Time.
My little one has the biggest advantage. She is home with me while everyone else is at school. It is easy to give her individual time. We take trips to the library. She bakes cookies with me. We color, craft and create together on a regular basis.
Thankfully my middle daughter demands individual time. If she has not got enough individual attention from my husband and I, she reminds us that she needs it. Her favorite things to do are go to the coffee shop with mom and go for ice cream with dad. She has Just Mom and Me
Earlier this year I was starting to realize turmoil in my relationship with my oldest daughter. We argued a lot, she turned on attitude with every request I made. I felt a little hopeless knowing she was only 11.
One day I went to the library and got a big fat book. She loves to read, but just looking at the book overwhelmed her. I suggested we read it together.
Every night before bed we shut ourselves into her room and I read her a chapter. Slowly as the nights progressed our relationship started to mend. We both loved that time together. We just finished the book last weekend. It was a great experience for both of us. We can’t wait to start another book, but it is her sister’s turn to read with me for awhile.
It isn’t hard to fit in the Individual time when I make it a priority. There are so many little things that can be done to give them the attention that they need. Here are a few ideas for you and your daughters:
- Go to the library and pick out a special book to read together
- Go to the coffee shop for a special drink (leave your cell phone in the car)
- Have a special lunch or supper date
- Go on a picnic in the park (Let her help you make your lunch and pack the basket)
- Rollerblade, bike ride or go for a nature walk
- Print off some pictures and work on a scrapbook together
- Make supper together (Let her pick the menu)
- Put together a puzzle
- Have a movie night in or take her out to the movie
The things we do together don’t have to be big and extravagant. Sometimes the littlest things make the biggest and best memories. Just sitting at the piano while my girls practice without my laptop on or a book in my hands shows them that I am paying attention.
Do you have special time scheduled with your girls?
How do you make time for each of your girls?
5 Comments
This is great, Amy, and so important for our girls. I’ve found, like you said, that one of my kids need more “alone” time than others. When she seems out of whack a little bit I pull her aside, take her to Starbucks or even to the grocery store with me, and she seems so much better after that. But I will say that it’s MUCH harder to find those times when they are in high school. You have to be really intentional about it.
The other thing that has really helped my daughters is special time with their dad. Every Saturday morning he takes the girls (whoever is out of bed!) out to breakfast–without Mom around. It’s their time to talk things through without me there, and it has been SO good for their relationship.
Shelly W. recently posted..Guest Posting at MODsquad today!
Love this dad idea! I can’t wait to share with my husband. I had a mom once tell me that it is more important to be a stay at home mom when my girls are in high school because you need to be available whenever they are and you never know when they will need you.
So good. I have felt tension lately with my daughter and just this morning I was talking to Him about it. He is so faithful to lead (and convict). We do schedule “girl time” which definitely helps. But I have noticed that I am often distracted even when I am with her. I want to look in her eyes in the dailiness of life. Ugh. How wayward my heart proves itself to be. God is so gracious and merciful.
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Amy,
These are really great reminders for me today. Thank you for taking the time to write something that reminds me of the vision but gives me tangible practicals (that I, in fact, will implement this evening!).
Sara
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Love.this.series!
I’ve seen the benefit of this practice, but confess I am not very good at it! I really struggle with being present, fully present, with my girls. This past weekend, I kept a promise to my daughter that I wanted to bail out on…bike riding! I was super tired, we only had 30 minutes and there was no going back. My daugther was going to drag me onto that bike if she had to!
When she finally asked, “Can we just go alone?” I knew this was more than a bike ride or even promises kept…it was about that precious time of undivided attention where she has me all to herself.
What started off reluctantly became something savored. I didn’t want the ride to end! I need to be more purposeful in these moments…they are indeed, precious and fleeting.
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[...] and etches memories on your heart and theirs. Last month, Amy also offered great suggestions for Individual Time with your girls in her Priority Parenting Series. I hope you will take the challenge to step away [...]