How to Really Love Our Daughters

Of all the deep desires of a girl’s heart, one of the biggest is her need to be loved.

Our girls start asking the question early in life: “What makes me loveable?”

In elementary school she might ask: “Will my friend invite me to her birthday party?”

In junior high she says: “Does this outfit look O.K.?”

In high school she wonders: “Where do I fit in?”

And it doesn’t stop into adulthood, does it? Even we moms ask, “Am I doing this right?”

All these questions come back to one thing: “Who will love me for who I am?”

I remember riding in the car with my three daughters one day. They were all young—elementary school age and younger—when my oldest started asking questions like these. As she talked about some incident at school, probably with friends, the struggle of her soul seemed to be, “What makes me special? Who will love me?”

I quickly prayed for just the right answer and at just the right moment God filled me with wisdom that could have only come from Him. I told my daughter, as I’ve told each of them over and over again:

“Don’t let the world define who you are. And don’t let other people love you for what you do. Don’t strive to be known as

-       the smart girl

-       the athlete

-       the musician

-       the actress

-       the fill-in-the-blank

“Instead, wouldn’t it be great if people knew you as ‘the girl who really loves Jesus’?”

If our daughters started really loving Jesus, they would then naturally start really loving others, and that love would be so attractive to the world around them. Others couldn’t help but be drawn to it.

The Apostle Paul gives us some good advice in this area. In Philippians 1:9-10 (NLT) he says:

“I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return.”

Understanding what really matters. That’s what we moms need to impart to our daughters. That is real love.

Does popularity really matter?

Do awards?

Does setting a school athletic record?

Do boys?

What really matters is that our daughters grow in the knowledge and understanding of Jesus so that their love for Him will flow to others.

Let’s help them see what really matters today.

As a mom to three teenage daughters, Shelly just wishes time would slow down. She is married to her college sweetheart, Brian, and in her "spare time" teaches writing to college students and hangs out with junior high girls each week. Come join her everyday adventures at Life on the Wild Side.

Shelly

View all posts by Shelly
Shellys website