When I was a young girl I struggled with friendships. When I was finishing middle school and headed to high school I made a choice. Years later, I still think about the decision I made and wonder what my high school experience would have been like if I had chosen Group #2.
In middle school there were about 10 girls in my class that were my good friends. We played sports together, we celebrated birthdays together, we were all friends. As we got close to our transition to high school we started to form two separate groups.
One group was the popular girls. This group had a lot of drama. This was the group I was in. The other group remained friends all through high school.
I hate to think about it now, but I would have labeled myself one of the “mean girls”. Now as a mother of three girls I don’t want my girls to make the same mistakes. I want my girls to make friends for life. I have spent a lot of time talking with my girls about what it takes to be a good friend.
Today I sat down at my computer and saw a chat conversation my 10 year-old had with a friend. Here is just a little piece of the conversation:
Friend: HI
My Daughter: so do you want to go?
Friend: yes but try not to be by XXXXX because remember we are mad at her
My Daughter: no. i told you don’t want to get involved in that. it’s you who’s mad at her and she’s mad at you. you know you two should just hug and make up.
I was proud of my daughter for her response, but the conversation got me a little fired up. It also gave me an opportunity to talk to my daughter about friendship. Tonight before bed I brought up the chat that I had read.
I told my daughter I was proud of her for responding as she did. I also talked to her about the importance of having many friends and that she needed to try hard not to get involved in friend fights.
The crazy thing is that the two girls that were mad at each other were over it a couple of hours later. The sad thing is that it is only beginning. There will be many more girl fights like this one.
The problem is, sometimes they turn really mean. Feelings get severely hurt and friendships can be lost forever. I am trying to teach my girls that some words can never be taken back.
Have you had to deal with a friendship issue like this one with your daughters? How do you respond when you see disagreements? Do you step in or let them figure it out on their own?
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I haven’t had to have a conversation like this with my daughter yet based on a specific situation in her life, but I know it’s coming…she is 8. I just wanted to say kudos to you for (obviously) teaching her to be a good friend before such a situation occurs.
Erin recently posted..our home
A teaching moment for sure. We need to be looking for these all day long! I pray we are able to share with them the road bumps we hit, and provide the necessary guidance to avoid them!
Well done mom!
Stacey recently posted..Grace Notes- It Rains Down
this is such an important skill for life. how many times do we take on battles for our spouses/children and others we love, instead of encouraging them to work them out? helping out children learn young not to get sucked into the fights and disagreements of others is an important life skill. a helpful ministry in this regard has been Peacemaker Ministry found at Peacemaker.Net they are very Biblical in their approach and have simple, helpful info for all ages. they have a great training program for young children, a teen curriculum and adult. the essence of it is in their brochure but i would encourage you to get the book for children. i wish i had had it when my kids were young.
I have to admit, I didn’t think navigating friendships would be a challenge, since my girls are young, but they already “bruised” and had “bruised” feelings. I am finding out just how important it is for both my husband and I to get on my girls level and be intentional teaching our girls about how to treat others. And yes, it’s a blessing when what we’ve taught at home, makes it to the tether ball courts and playgrounds…
Melissa recently posted..New Online Bible Study- PLANTED
G. was tested by fire in the 3rd grade with girl friendships. There were two bullying situtations with 3rd grade girls in the school – the guidance counselor and the principal were involved. It took several months for the situation to be resolved. Since that year, she has been very savvy in her choice of friends – she tends to veer away from the drama and to have a thicker skin with regards to social situations. I thought these instances would not manifest until middle school but I quickly learned better. As she is preparing to enter middle school in the fall, I find her a reliable friend who can read people fairly well. I think she is prepared sometimes even more so than I am.
Catherine recently posted..Kindness of Friends and Neighbors aka Angels in Our Midst
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