“Love” & Dating

“Could you please rock me, mom?”

With prayers completed and the day at a close, my 3 year old’s gentle voice offered an invitation I couldn’t decline.

Once she was snuggled in on my lap, she softly whispered, “I love you, mom.”

Breathing in the smell of Hannah’s strawberry shampoo, I rocked back and forth with one of the most special people God has entrusted to me and thought about her words.

LOVE.

It is one of the most loaded words in the English language.  It carries tremendous power for good and Godly peace.  And, yet its meaning has been so twisted by selfish desires that the simple misuse and misunderstanding of this word has destroyed lives and relationships.

I love you too, Hannah, and I thank God for you.  Please Lord, protect her.  Help her to grow in You. And, as she grows, help her to understand love as you define it so that she can experience the best.

I get done praying, lay my sleeping child into bed, and begin signing some books.

Just a few weeks ago, Pam Stenzel and I released our first book together (with Regal Books).  Entitled Nobody Told Me, we compiled approximately 8 years worth of the best teen and young adult stories and questions and put them into a fun Facebook like format with Godly teaching and important up to date facts, making it a powerful read for any student 12 and up, as well as for parents, youth leaders, and mentors.

We want teens to understand love in a Godly way that will empower them to choose abstinence (or recycled virginity if they’ve made past mistakes) and set healthy boundaries.

MUCH of this is accomplished through being informed, setting boundaries in advance, and thinking ahead.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, many of you are watching your daughters of dating age throw around this word and make plans.

So, what can you help them understand “love” and think ahead before they date?

First, I would strongly encourage you to review with your daughters a few Scriptures.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 reads, “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.”

The point when considering Valentine’s Day dates?  Love doesn’t use words like, “If you love me you will….” or “Obviously you don’t love me if you won’t …. Because I want to do it to show my love to you” or “I want to show you how much I love you by being intimate” and the list goes on.  Love, as the Scripture explains is does not pressure, force, or become angry.  Love waits.

And, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, which says, “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

The point when considering Valentine’s Day dates?  Love for oneself and the other is shown through recognition that the physical body is to be valued and respected.  Love doesn’t act selfishly but places God at the center of any relationship by making sure that all action and talk glorifies He who lives within us.

As your girls consider these Scriptures, I’d strongly encourage you to finish the discussion with an activity we suggest in the book.  Provide them with a special piece of paper and envelope.  On it, tell them to write a note to their future spouse – how they will live, date, etc. – sharing how they will honor them as they await their wedding day.  The fact of the matter is that many of our daughters have not yet met their future spouse but the decisions that they make now will affect their pre-marital conversations and marriage relationship.  Writing a note (that encourages forward thinking) and keeping it in a place where they often see it and are reminded of it will help keep at the forefront of their mind the future and the importance of the choices they make today.

My husband and I actually did this when we helped lead a purity retreat in college.  We were only dating at the time.  Afterwards, I kept mine in the zipper front of my Bible (the letter is in the book).  Then, on our wedding night we gave them to one another.  Not knowing what the future held at that retreat, it was such a special gift to know that we’d been thought about years prior to actually saying, “I do.”

Because we love our girls and only want for them relationships that honor God, lets take quality time to clarify for them how love is defined and shown in dating life.

*BONUS*  I share co-author Pam Stenzel’s story and am giving away 5 copies of Nobody Told Me on my blog right now.  Rush over for your chance to win!

Find her on Twitter @MelissaNesdahl or at melissanesdahl.blogspot.com

Melissa

View all posts by Melissa
Melissas website