Joining us today at the MOD Squad is Melissa Nesdahl from Fill My Cup. She is sharing with us on the important topic of purity.
“Why do brides wear white?”
After saying nightly prayers and setting out dresses for a wedding the following day, I was surprised to hear Grace thinking through the details.
“White is the color of innocence,” we explained. “It means that they listened to God in their choices.”
A child appropriate answer for an adult subject: S-E-X.
Despite being one of the smallest words in the English language, it unearths massive power. The decisions that our daughters make about sex before they walk the aisle will affect them physically, emotionally, and spiritually before they say “I do” and after.
So, how do we as mothers empower them to make right choices?
Proverbs 22:6 instructs, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
Grace might only be four, but we are already in the process of training her up. From the time of toddlerhood, girls are seeking to have their value affirmed. Magnetically drawn to the Disney princesses, they want to feel beautiful and chosen.
Thanks to Sheila Walsh and her fabulous “Gigi: God’s Little Princess” series girls everywhere are realizing that fairy tales aren’t just reserved for others. They are living one because of whose they are; daughters of the King. Adding to Sheila’s message, we tell our girls that they are beautiful, that we praise God He chose us to be their parents, that they can tell us anything, and that the God of the Universe wants the best for them daily.
Reinforced value yields strong self-esteem.
Transitioning into puberty provides a God-given opening to begin training on the physical detail. Although we look at these young girls and see a child that still needs homework reminders, they are experiencing adult changes. Having a “safe person” to talk to becomes central in their world and if we do not establish ourselves as the “go to” person now we will miss your chance.
The onset of a period (for your daughter or a daughter’s friend) is the perfect set up to explain that menses is a part of God’s design for pregnancy. From there, explaining how pregnancy occurs and the gift of giving her virginity to her future spouse (which means NO genital contact before marriage) becomes sacred conversation.
Established trust yields confidence that you will openly and honestly answer her questions.
Sadly, once our girls are 12 and up, peers will be engaging in sexual activity. This is the time to establish dating rules for your home and build on the spiritual aspect. As relationships form, the word “love” will take on new meaning. Reinforcing that sex was created for permanent commitment and not (here one day gone the next) worldly feelings of “love” will protect them from falling to word games. This frees our daughters from risk of disease, unplanned pregnancy, or being “the next girl,” and liberates them to enter the marriage bed with boundless joy.
Through it all, encouraging our girls to walk in confidence knowing that they are still God’s little princess will help them make wise dating choices. If they dress modestly, they will attract men of character. If they set clear boundaries, they will draw men of integrity. And, if their heart is for God, they will know and desire His very best.
Appreciation for God’s design yields healthy relationships.
For these reasons, as we train our daughters up from the moment of birth to the moment they walk the aisle, let us be constantly encouraging them in the words of Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things” so that when they stand before God,
Their white dress truly signifies innocence.
BONUS GIVEAWAY Melissa writes with Internationally known Abstinence Educator, Pam Stenzel. As a mother of three and speaker to over half a million teens per year, Pam is well aware of the questions and challenges parents of this generation face. Recently, she filmed “Parents Matter: Raising Kids with Integirty.” The DVD contains a powerful message to empower you in teaching faith and values as well as a question and answer section, and one can be YOURS! Melissa is giving one away at Fill My Cup so hurry over and enter to win!
12 Comments
Welcome Melissa! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us! This is a vital conversation that we as moms need to be purposeful in having with our girls! I am growing in this area with my oldest of almost 11. It has not been “easy” but each time I answer here questions or talk openly with her – I can see the fruit beginning to grow! I love this:
“If they dress modestly, they will attract men of character. If they set clear boundaries, they will draw men of integrity. And, if their heart is for God, they will know and desire His very best.”
We all want God’s best for our girls! And we need the support and prayers of other moms as we all walk this together!
Stacey recently posted..Chair Time
Great word Melissa! Yes, just recently I had a conversation with my 6 year old about how to dress. She wanted to know if the clothes she had chosen made her look like a certain child star (one of whom we do not let her watch on TV – so I know she’s only heard about her at school). This spurred a wonderful conversation and teachable moment for the two of us!
I was able to talk to her about how God sees her and how God wants her to dress the body that He gave her. Wow! I think when it was all over I was shocked that this conversation would come at 6 and not 10 or so. I have much to learn about how to begin having honest conversations with my daughter. That’s why I love this website!!!
Thanks for your message Melissa!
Penny recently posted..His Words Sunday
Perfect. Dress is so important. I wanted to link up on that but haven’t been able to write because of sick kids. Dress says so much about who we are though so if we want to portray that we are people of integrity, we need to dress that way to send that message. Good job, Penny!
Thank you so much for this post! I have many questions when it comes to these talks on purity. I so appreciate the reference! While we’ve had many talks about modesty and these seem to flow with easy conversation, the S-E-X issue is something that seems will have to be much more purposeful. I hope this won’t be the last post on this issue!
Erin recently posted..before I cant
Discussions about purity do need to be purposeful because if we don’t have the conversations with them (and on time) someone else will. If we want to pass on our values and why we value what we do, we must be the ones to do it.
ps- the DVD giveaway can now be seen if you tried to enter!
Stacey, Thanks so much for the kind words! Keep talking. You are doing GREAT!
ps- I had a problem with the scheduled post, but the giveaway is up now on my site if you wanted to enter.
Thanks for the great advice and encouragement. Our daughter is nine and really asking questions and wondering about all this grown up stuff. Although I want to keep her our little girl, I also want to prepare her for her life in the big world. It is an awesome task!
Glad that you found it helpful. An awesome task is right! She is right at the age where she needs to know the truth and learn that she can go to you with ANYTHING! Best wishes!
This is one of the topics I consider a challenge in my future. I think it is a particularly hard topic for mothers who did not have the blessing of these conversations in her upbringing. It is a struggle to know the way we want to guide our daughters but cannot speak about from experience. While difficult to find right the words sometimes, it’s so important if we want our daughters to know what we did not. I’m glad the MOD Squad site exists and is a place we can hear others thoughts on such topics. Thanks for sharing with us Melissa!
You are welcome. It was my pleasure!
From next week i will be a mom of two teenagers, i am blessed in the fact that they respect and love theirselves, yet it is so hard when they are around their friends who dont have the same values. I pray my daughters stay strong and love theirselves enough to stay true.
Sara recently posted..Let’s Talk About It
I will be praying for them too. Peers are a strong influence but if you stay involved statistics say that you are still THE MOST powerful influence. Talk, pray, and be encouraged!
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[...] My oldest is five so we obviously haven’t had “the talk.” But, as I wrote in my “Why The Bride Wore White” post we have started to lay the foundation by reinforcing her value in Christ to [...]