Bringing Up Girls :: Book Club {post two}

My Girls in Ireland

Never in a million did I think I’d be blessed with four girls.  Four.  Girls.  In fact, I thought we were done after Wynter.  But a surprise pregnancy told me otherwise.  Unfortunately, we lost that baby … and three more after that.

So when we found out we were pregnant yet again {and definitely no surprise this time … we wanted number four something fierce!} and things were going well … we kept telling ourselves and others it didn’t matter the sex, as long as the baby was healthy.  I’ll never forget when the ultrasound tech told us it’d be another girl … my husband and I both breathed a sigh of relief and finally admitted to each other that we were secretly wanting another girl.

I joke that I seriously don’t know what I’d do with a boy.  I mean, come on … “sugar and spice and all things nice?”  Who wouldn’t choose that fairy-tale over “frog and snails and puppy-dog tails?”  Although, if you know my girls … you know they’re all over that frog and snail thing!

Anyway.  I think the little poem should go something like “drama and whine with sparkle and shine.”  Cuz seriously.  No one warned me of all the drama and all the whine that comes with having girls.  And since I’m pretty sure I was the perfect child, I have no recollection of such things in my own girlhood!

I’m loving that Dr. Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Girls is breaking down some very important things in understanding who girls are, why they are the way they are, and how we should respond to it.

Today we’re discussing chapters 3-6 and I’ll write on each chapter separately … quite honestly … my first draft was over 1500 words and I hadn’t even gotten to chapters 4 & 5!  These chapters are just so full of insight and I deem most of it helpful and important and didn’t want you to miss out on any of it, so it was really hard for me to cut, cut, cut!  I also didn’t want to lose you in all the text, so I tried my best to narrow it down for you.

Please make sure you chime in and let us know what your favorite insights were.  This book is a wealth of information for us MODsquad moms!

Chapter 3 :: The Fair Sex
This chapter is chock full of wisdom … bear with me!

A key sentence to understand and remember as we’re bringing up girls, “These little creatures called girls are far more complicated than their brothers.”  Amen Dr. Dobson!  Amen!  And while we all understand and recognize the soft, feminine, sensitive and tender nature of our girls, Dr. Dobson points out that “they can also be catty, rebellious, and downright brutal to their peers.”

“Nevertheless, the Creator has placed within the fair sex a winsome and caring nature that should be recognized and cultivated.  Gratifying and protecting it during the formative years is like pouring cool water at the base of a delicate flower.”

Having a 15 yo, I can see the importance of cultivating these feminine traits at an early age.  Our culture is far too happy to squash what our Creator deemed important.

• Adolescent girls and women are more easily wounded than males, and many of them experience a lifelong sense of inadequacy.  The pain that results from being ridiculed, bullied, or left out as a child or teen – as well as from wounds originating within dysfunctional families – is remembered painfully thereafter.

Dr. Dobson shares some of his wife’s feelings of inadequacy and in his view, how she had virtually nothing to feel inadequate about.  What I love, love is this, “Nevertheless, those feelings of inadequacy were real, and because I loved her, I needed to help her deal with them.”

That is such and important thing for us all to remember.  We need to recognize that even though we may see a beautiful, talented, sensitive, educated girl in front of us … they may not feel that way.  We need to listen to them and help them work through their feelings in a positive way.

So … the question of the year?  “Is there a way to preserve their softness and femininity while strengthening their sense of personhood too?”

• There are many approaches to instilling healthy self-worth in girls, but it begins within the security of a loving family.  Specifically, it depends on a caring and affirming father.  Moms are vital in countless ways too, but self-worth for girls hangs precariously on their relationship with their dads.

Dr. Dobson says, “I urge all parents, but especially fathers, to work at building your daughter’s self-concept throughout her childhood.  Tell her she is pretty every chance you get.  Hug her.  Compliment her admirable traits.  Build her confidence by giving her your time and attention.  Defend her when she’s struggling.  And let her know that she has a place in your heart that is reserved only for her.  She will never forget it.

Chapter 4 :: Why She Is Who She Is
Now let’s talk about why our “little creatures” are so much more complicated than their male counterparts!  First and foremost … their DNA is different.

It was discovered that “male and female brains were not only different structurally, they also ‘lit up’ in different places when subjected to similar stimulation.”  Dr. Dobson does a great job of putting this difference into layman’s terms, but what stood out to me most was this:

• There is a bundle of nerves {made up of communication cells} called the corpus callosum.  “It is a rope of fibers that connects the right hemisphere, where emotion is processed, with the left, where language is focused.
• A girl’s corpus callosum is up to 25 percent larger in a male’s, and becomes an eight-lane superhighway capable of carrying great quantities of emotional information from one side of the brain to the other.  {For boys it is a country road.}

Wow!

One last important thing to note … and I think if you’re a breathing women, you’ll relate completely to this:

“It’s impossible to overstate the importance in talking in the lives of girls and women.  Though estimates vary, it appears that males use about seven thousand words per day; and females, twenty thousand.”

• Girls need to talk.  Especially about what they are feeling.  It’s so important to “engage our kids in activities that encourage conversation, including eating together as a family, playing table games, inviting friends with kids to dinner, cooking together, building things …”
• If you understand what is going on inside your daughter, you will be better equipped to guide her through each fascinating {and challenging} phase.  Those years will fly by in the blink of an eye.

Chapter 5 :: Teaching Girls To Be Ladies
This chapter really convicted me.  There are so many good discussion points and things for me to remember in raising my girls.  A few of my favorites:

• Manners easily and rapidly mature into morals.
• Good manners also help develop confidence and poise.  A girl who has been properly trained is never completely knocked off balance when she is in an unfamiliar circumstance.
• Women hold the keys to masculine behavior.  Guys are inclined to tackle what they can get and be no more accommodating than they have to be.  If a girl sees herself as a lady, she will expect her escort to behave like a gentleman.
• Teaching girls to be ladies is not enough.  We must also give them a strong biblical foundation from which morals and virtues can evolve.

Reading about the masculine behavior gives me some {much needed} new insight on things I should be teaching my girls to look for and expect in a potential partner.

I’m also pretty in love with the “conversation game.”  I tend to be shy myself and not much of a conversation “thrower-backer” … unfortunately, I think my girls have taken after me a bit in this area … so we could all learn a thing or two here!

Chapter 6 :: Embarrassing The Angels
“The task of teaching your girls to be ladies will be no easy assignment, because our crude and hypersexualized culture will give you no help.”

Wow!  Give it to us straight Dr. Dobson!  Does this hit you moms as hard as it hits me?  Or how about this?

“If MTV, Hollywood, the pop music industry, and peers have their way with your girls, they are likely to curse, dress provocatively, behave like uncultured and uncouth waifs, and have no sense of personal dignity.  Remember, Mom, you are the keeper of the keys at home.”

See?  Loads and loads of important information, right?  I’m going to leave you with two last thoughts … then be sure to tell me what pieces of wisdom you’re tucking away!

• Dr. Dobson sums up Chapter 3 saying, “I hope you will find a way to give your little girls {and boys} the great benefits of a secure, loving home.  That is the surest way to preserve the light that shines in their eyes.”
• Good parenting almost always requires sacrifice.

Join me again on August 5 as we discuss Chapters 7 – 10.

i'm a child of God, mother of 4 daughters, wife to an amazing guy, photographer, blogger, twitterer, living with MS … and blessed beyond belief! you can chat with me here @tmstier or be encouraged here {tsj} photography

Tracie

View all posts by Tracie
Tracies website