I am blessed to have friends in my life who truly sharpen me. A few Godly women can offer such wise counsel and comfort, and I hope I do the same for them. Friends like this are rare. They are truly beautiful flowers in the garden of life.
I want these same friendship for my pre-teen daughter.
Three years ago, when my sweet girl was finishing the second grade, my husband and I started noticing that Godly friendships were becoming difficult for her to find. She would come home from school (at the young age of 7) telling us about girls excluding her on the playground, making fun of her clothes, and asking about what it meant to be “popular”. My vibrant, enthusiastic daughter was having her spirit squashed, and no longer looked forward to going to school.
I wasn’t aware all of this “mean girl” stuff started at such a young age. Sure, I remembered having some issues with friends at her age, but these problems for her seemed much greater. They tugged at this mother’s heart.
As time progressed, God laid it on our hearts to remove her from school and begin homeschooling. Being at home solved the mean girls problem rather quickly, but as she gained new friends in our homeschool community I began to see the importance of teaching her about what it means to be a Godly friend, and how to seek out those friendships for herself.
“ Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
Proverbs 27:17
As a mother, I am doing my best to help my daughter with Godly friendships. The relationship my daughter has with her family and God is of ultimate importance, and her relationship with her girl friends reinforces both of those relationships.
A few things I can do to guide her in these friendships are:
- Model Godly Friendships in My Own Life
I have just a few good friends, but they are faithful believers, who put Christ at the center of their lives. This means when we speak with each other (and my daughter often hears those conversations) there is no gossip, speaking poorly of others, or unkindness involved.
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Role Play Friendship Situations
We often talk about “What would you do if a friend did this?” kind of scenarios or “How would that make you feel if a friend did this?” situations. We talk A LOT about friends!
One of my favorite resources is Between: A Girl’s Guide to Life by Vicki Courtney. The articles in these magazine like book speak to my daughter’s heart about friendship and her relationship with Jesus. Yes, I would hope my daughter takes my advice on these matters, but there’s just something about reading it in a cool book that’s just for her!
- Pray For and With Her
If I implement all of the ideas above and don’t pray, what is the point? My daughter’s life is ordained and protected by God, so I go to Him with concerns and cares. I want my daughter to learn to do the same, also.
While navigating the waters of pre-teen girls and friendships seems difficult, it doesn’t have to be. If we include God at the center of these friendships and ask His guidance throughout friendships, He will bless us abundantly.
Mary is a former public school music educator and degreed administrator. She now homeschools her two children and is a private piano instructor. She is amazed at the direction God has taken her life, and is trusting Him in everything. She blogs at Homegrown Learners.
