Reading these chapters encourages me to continue on my intentional parenting path and to look to the Lord to guide me and my family …
Chapter 15 :: Consequences
I’ve gotta admit, this chapter is pretty dismal. I’ll bullet point a few frightening stats for you:
- An alarming number of girls harbor deep-seated anger that has turned inward, leading them to starve themselves even to the point of death; secretly binge and purge; take prescription medications and illegal drugs; dull their senses with alcohol; cut and pierce their bodies; permanently ink themselves; engage in things like prostitution, pornography, stripping, violence, bullying, sexual aggression, lewdness, and crudeness; and even attempt suicide, which has spiked in recent years. Self-hatred is the cause.
- Promiscuous girls are four times more likely to experience depression than those who were virgins.
- A full 14.3 percent of girls who are sexually active report having attempted suicide. By contrast, only 5.1 percent of sexually inactive girls have attempted suicide.
- About 19 million new cases of STDs occur each year among all age groups in the United States.
- By age twelve, 12 percent of students had already engaged in vaginal sex, 7.9 percent in oral sex, 6.5 percent in anal sex and 4 perfect in all three types of intercourse.
- U.S. health officials estimated in 2007 that one-quarter {25%} of all women in this country between 14 and 59 are infected with a virus that causes warts and most cases cervical cancer.
Dr. Dobson states, “one of the most important questions I will deal with in this book … given the fact that casual intercourse and other forms of sexual intimacy are wreaking physical and emotional havoc among teens and young adults, why are they not being warned of the consequences of promiscuity?” He goes on to say, “It is my guess that the message is not getting out because it is politically incorrect. Anything that smacks of morality or Christian ethics is offensive to the liberal community. Meanwhile, young people are falling into the same snare that entrapped their parents when they were young.”
Lastly, are there things in your past that you’re praying your daughters don’t repeat? Have you shared those things with your daughter? If not, why? Think it would be hypocritical? Dr. Bush {who Dr. Dobson interviewed} says, “I think it is appropriate to admit that they made mistakes too but that God has forgiven them {parents} and they have forgiven themselves. They can empower {their children} to abstain. The studies show that mothers and fathers have a greater influence on the behavior of teens than anyone else, even when teenagers don’t appear to be ‘getting it.’”
Chapter 16 :: Good News About Girls
The good news is that there are millions of teens who are not sleeping around, are not using illegal drugs, are not binge drinking, are not at war with their parents, and are not failing in school. These are the wonderful kids who are loved at home. Many of them are deeply committed to Jesus Christ and aren’t afraid to share their faith.
Dr. Dobson shares that when he was sixteen, his parents sold their house and moved seven hundred miles away to protect him from the negative influence of some friends. It cost his father professionally, but he never looked back. Talk about sacrifice!
Here are a few “good news” facts:
- 52 percent of high school students are still virgins.
- Many girls appear to be realizing that sex without commitment is utterly empty.
- Among teens who reported that they had engaged in intercourse, nearly two-thirds stated that they wished they had waited longer before becoming sexually active.
- Overall, a majority of sexually active boys and nearly three-quarters of sexually active girls regard their own initial sexual experience unfavorably.
Couple of things to note:
- Parental closeness was pivotal, but it resulted less from family activities and “lectures” than it did from parents’ regular involvement in their children’s lives.
- “My mom works two jobs but she always calls when I come home to see how my day was.”
- “When I go on a date, my dad doesn’t say ‘How was what’s his name.’
- Now more than ever, parents should invest themselves in their children, building bridges to them stone upon stone and precept upon precept.
Dr. Frank Luntz wrote a book titled What Americans Really Want … Really. And here are his views on six {summarized} parental behaviors that are most likely to help – or destroy – your own children:
- Having dinner with your children.
- Taking your children to church or synagogue weekly.
- Checking your child’s homework nightly.
- Demanding the truth from your children – and getting it.
- Taking your children on vacation for at least a week at a time.
- Encourage them to participate in team sports.
Chapter 17 :: Charming Your Daughter
This chapter is short and the sweetest ever! Dr. Dobson shares a story called “The Charm Bracelet.” It’s about a sweet sixteen gift a girl receives from her parents … a charm bracelet … made up of beautiful {and valuable} gems.
As a girl she’d been told she couldn’t date until she was 16. Now that the day is here, she can’t wait to discuss it with her parents. As her parents give her the bracelet, they explain that it’s symbolic of her and her purity. “This will guide you through your dating relationships. Your mother and I can only tell you what’s right. We can’t make you believe it for yourself. Hopefully, this will.”
And when it comes to dating … there’s only one rule … “whenever you give {an} action of love – a kiss, an ‘I love you,’ a hand to hold – you also have to give the recipient the gem to match.”
“But Daddy! These are insanely expensive! I can’t just give them away!” And her dad chuckled softly. “Baby, your purity, your heart, they’re far more valuable than a few little rocks. If you can’t find it in your heart to give away your charms, I don’t think you should be giving away the things they represent.”
{chill bumps anyone?}
Turns out … after dating a few boys … she was able to give the bracelet, in its entirety to her husband. And now? Their daughter wears it.
Chapter 18 :: Puberty and Adolescence
Aaahh, puberty. Doesn’t seem that long ago, does it? And now we’re up to our ears in it! Dr. Dobson discusses some technical and medical terms, but again … I’ll bullet point a few important things for you:
- Puberty comes on like a house afire. The girl enters a period of intense physical, emotional, and neurological transformation.
- So she doesn’t worry herself sick, it’s very important to prepare her for puberty and adolescence. Not only should they come to understand the approaching physical changes, they should also be informed about the wildly fluctuating emotions that will accompany this time of life.
- Moms and dads should understand that the hormonal barrage that initiates puberty is highly traumatic to the female brain, and it can throw a girl into complete disequilibrium until she begins to adjust to it.
- For some girls, the return to equilibrium can take five years or longer.
- What does a girl need from her parents when everything has gone topsy-turvy? The answer, in a word, is more attachment, not less.
- There is no room in their relationship for an out-of-control, screaming, confused, and scared adult.
- At the time puberty is causing girls to pull away from the people they love, other forces inside them are creating an inexplicable longing for connectedness.
- Overreaction becomes an everyday event. Heaven help the mom or dad who tries to convince a sobbing girl that “it’s no big deal.” They are wrong. Everything is a big deal.
Well … I could go on, but I’ve gotta end somewhere. This was a long chapter and it had a lot of useful information on what’s physically and hormonally going on inside our girls. Once again, I urge you to read it.
So, how ’bout you? Are you getting as much as I am from this treasure of a book? Like I said, with all those alarming statistics, I’m more thankful than ever that I’m teaching my girls they have a heavenly Father that loves and cares for them … and to seek Him first.
And now … are you ready for some fun?! We have a 7-CD abridged set of “Bringing Up Girls” to giveaway! And all you need to do to win is leave a comment. You can also tweet, facebook, or blog about the giveaway … just be sure to come back and leave another comment saying you did so. This giveaway will close on Sunday, September 5th at midnight {CST} and a winner will be announced here at 10:00 am {CST} on Monday, September 6.
Please join me again on September 16 for our last discussion of Bringing Up Girls, when I’ll review chapters 19-22. And if you’re joining us for the first time today, be sure to catch up on our first, second, third, and fourth discussions.
Books sited in these chapters:
- Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals how Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student :: Dr. Miriam Grossman
- Hooked: New Science on How Casual Sex Is Affecting Our Children :: Drs. Joe McIlhaney and Freda McKissic Bush
- Sex and the Soul :: Donna Freitas
- What Americans Really Want … Really :: Pollster Frank Luntz
- The Female Brain :: Dr. Louann Brizendine
- Preparing for Adolescence :: Dr. James Dobson
- Girl in the Mirror :: Dr. Nancy Snyderman
